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Robert this made me think of you ;-)
 Amanda Ollier
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 Blogged by Blo.gl
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Shared here through the miracle that is blo.gl!

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I love the colours in this as well as the words. An uplifting reminder x

Timeline Photos
 Amanda Ollier
 Posted on Facebook
 Blogged by Blo.gl
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Shared here through the miracle that is blo.gl!

Seriously awesome!

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Seriously awesome! Show some love please people!
 Amanda Ollier
 Posted on Facebook
 Blogged by Blo.gl
 Indexed in Google
 

Shared here through the miracle that is blo.gl!

Making a Difference

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Making a Difference

A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to my eldest son, who is 15, about a story he'd found on the internet. He was really fired up about it, angry at the way a young girl had literally been hounded to death, for doing something that thousands of kids do all the time.

There's little point ranting in the privacy of your own home. So, like any modern mum would do, I told him to blog about it and below is the result. Please leave a comment after the post or share it. This is the kind of message that might just reach someone at the time they need it. If someone had done this earlier, perhaps this story wouldn't have such a tragic end...

Why This Post?

So I'm writing this because of how disgusted I am with society today.

Below is the video that made me aware of this story which has made feel so angry. You may have already heard of the 'Amanda Todd' story. I know it's not new and no, I'm not late I just think that this is the kinda message we shouldn't ignore or forget.

It's not a story we like to be reminded of of course, but to be honest, this sort of thing shouldn't happen anyway.

Before you watch the video think about whether you've ever been bullied, how it felt and who was there for you... Now imagine if no one was there... Not nice huh?

So if you haven't watched the video it's not something you can watch easily, the general outline is this.

The Amanda Todd Story...

A girl was tricked by some sick man to send nude pictures to him which he decided to share with everyone else including her friends which quickly spread to her whole school. For starters, girls and boys do this kinda thing everyday everyday like sexting and trading pictures which is something that is done all the time and no, it's not a good idea but the fact is it's not like she was the only girl to ever do this kind of thing. A very unlucky few have their pictures exposed and have put their trust in the wrong people so surely if that does happen its embarrassing enough isn't it, we should at least try and make them feel better. Well apparently not because for some sick reason everyone decided that it wasn't enough and took it a step further.

She moved school to get away, which is already a big impact, but it happened all over again. The comments she was receiving from people on Facebook were disgusting and the way people treated her is why aliens won't visit us. What I saw made me ashamed of us as people and things like "I hope she reads this and kills herself"? What the **** are you trying to prove? How much of a great member of society you are because you don't accept nude pictures? Or you're so innocent that you're genuinely feeling that this girl is bad and deserves this? F off! As if you've never seen anything rude online!

It continued even after she tried to kill herself by drinking bleach. When I heard people were posting pictures of bleach I literally shouted in disgust. WHAT THE **** is wrong with you guys!!!! They're literally telling her to kill herself and to make it even worse her friends left her and she was left with no one.

All of those people who said those things, I wonder if you sleep well now? because there's no way you deserve to!

What makes it even worse is at the end of the day is all she needed was one person to tell her it's okay.

That was all it might have taken.

You don't slap a kid for falling when he's learning to walk so why did all this crap happen?

This is when social media becomes anti-social media.

It's a tool that allows you to say whatever you like with seemingly no consequences. In truth, it might just be that someone else is paying the price for your careless words.

Let's not let it happen again. Remember it can take just one person to make a difference.

Please leave a comment below or share this post. You can give a voice to someone who sadly lost hers.

How to Deal with Difficult People

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How to Deal with Difficult People 

So I was sitting here, pondering why it is that some people seem to feel the need to be obstructive and difficult for apparently no gain. Even at times when it is to their own, or someone they supposedly love's detriment and I had one of those wonderful lightbulb moments, so I thought I'd share it here and see if it makes sense to you too!

In my work as a coach I often talk to people who have been through a relationship breakdown of some kind and need to know how to deal with difficult people. Be it divorce, separation, a dispute at work, or falling out with friends or family, it seems that we are deeply affected by this kind of change in our lives. It is often the catalyst for someone to seek help from an outside source and hence why they come to me. I have observed over the years that people seem to fall into roughly three groups, those who revert to childlike behaviour, those who maintain a more adult rationale and those that swing from one to the other.

One obvious conclusion is that it may well have been this relationship imbalance that caused the problem in the first place, either way, dealing with the aftermath is difficult for most people.

In a classic parent v child scenario, the child may dig their heels in and be as obstructive as possible, refusing to negotiate with the other. The parent player may try to dictate and compel, being equally as beligerent and little progress is made.

In other cases both try to be adult, but fail to take into account the perspective of the other, both wanting to decide - or in other cases both wishing to accomodate the other to the point that no-one is happy. It really can be very difficult!

If both revert to childlike behaviour, then again, there's a clash and it's difficult to find a solution...

The most common cause of frustration though, regardless of the roles assumed by the various players, is spite or pointless obstruction. People being difficult just because they can. How do you deal with that?

How to Deal with Difficult People

Sometimes the easiest thing to do, is to refuse to engage with the behaviour. What I mean by that, is that in order for their to be an arguement or competition, there has to be two opposing sides. If you don't rise to the bait, then the conflict is avoided. 

An answer I often get to this suggestion, is that "then they've won", but again this depends on your perspective. In thinking this, you are demonstrating that you too see it as a competition and thus feel that there has to be a winner and a loser. If you can change your inner perspective, so that you see this as a situation in which you retain control of your own emotions and relinquish the need to win or control, you actually feel much better. This is one way how to deal with difficult people.

Once any situation is decided, the moment has passed and if you get rid of the need to feel superior or victorious, you actually end up feeling empowered. If you retain the need to be better or have the upper hand, you will only feel anger or hatred towards the person you are aggrieved with and like most negative emotions, the only person ultimately affected is you.

That's the thing with your feelings about others and your interactions with them. They don't know what you feel inside - and probably don't even care - so you might sit there fuming, hating them with every fibre of your being, but they are totally unaffected by it. They could just as easily be having the time of their lives at that very moment. So where is the sense in it?

Of course this doesn't have to mean you become a doormat. You don't have to let them dictate the situation every time. There will always be things you need to insist upon, but not automatically starting from a position of opposition means that you can often negotiate better on those occassions. If they are not getting a fight every time, they may even begin to come round to a more reasonable frame of mind - not always - but sometimes.

The key thing is, that you retain control of YOU. The only thing that you can ever 100% claim responsibilty for. Your thoughts, your words and your behaviour. You can avoid the sinking feeling of looking back at any situation and thinking "If only I hadn't said/done that" and that alone can be extremely satisfying!

Like most people, I can think of more than one occassion in my own life where I have wished I kept my mouth shut! I can also think of a few where I have very deliberately remained silent and allowed the other person to do the talking and the rewards have been huge! I've watched anger burn itself right out because I didn't fuel it and the biggest slice of humble pie get eaten because I didn't do my usual "It's ok it doesn't matter" when it very obviously did! Keeping quiet is not my natural style as anyone who knows me will tell you! but I've learned it's value and always recommend my students learn it now.

So, back to the original question of Mr or Mrs 'difficult for the pleasure of it' and how to deal with them...

In thinking about how to deal with difficult people of this kind it occured to me today, not for the first time, that the problem lies not so much in their behaviour but in how that behaviour is experienced by the person on the recieving end. I thought about it and realised that the lasting feeling I get each time is one of disappointment. It's usually preceeded by frustration and disbelief, maybe some anger too, but when the hot emotions have cooled off, what I'm left with is a sadness and ultimately disappointment.

So that got me thinking about why that might be and what I could do about it and then came my lightbulb!

The disappointment comes from the fact that I obviously have certain expectations which are not being met. I hope that someone will behave in a certain way - usually what I would consider fair and reasonable in the circumstances - and then when they don't, I feel disappointed.

But here's the thing!!!

My expectations, hopes, values - whatever you like to call them - are based on my way of thinking, my map of the world and not anyone elses. We all have our own version of the way things should be. If I accept that, and accept that everyone has as much right to their own view of the world as I do, and that everyone's version is as valid as my own - which I do - then it removes the possibility of expectation and therefore disappointment!

Your acceptance of the fact that we all have a right to choose how we see, do, feel and think about things, frees you from the grasp of disappointment!

Isn't that incredible!

If you don't expect anyone to behave in the way you would, because you respect their right to live their own way, you remove the chance of disappointment.

I can hardly believe it's so simple! By my own expectation I have set myself up to feel let down. Stop expecting and the problem goes away!

I hope you've found this an interesting idea of how to deal with difficult people and I'm really interested to know what you think about this and whether you've experienced it too, so please leave me a comment in the box below, or on my facebook page amandaollieronline. I look forward to reading your comments!

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